Elizabeth Ashford

On Yourself
What does self-discovery mean to you?

It means learning, changing, and leaving old parts of yourself behind to become the most authentic version of you. Furthermore, it means you must embrace your desires, and preferences and leave the judgment of other people behind. All of these things take time and patience.

 

For me, at the age of 25 now, I feel I am just starting to feel both comfortable and at peace with who I am. There were so many years of trying to mold myself into the most likable, appeasing, societally attractive (specific to my body) version of myself – which was just exhausting.

 

I wanted to be desired, rather than taking into account what I desired.



What advice would you have for women early in their self-discovery?

My advice on self-discovery is to understand that when we are becoming authentic to ourselves, and abandoning the status quo of society, it may feel difficult to train blaze alone.

It may feel like people don’t understand you or have negative things to say. But ultimately, judgement is inevitable, and as Florence Givens says: “You cannot win, and the world will judge you either way. Being your authentic self-forces people to reveal whether they deserve a place in your life or not.

On Sexuality
What is your relationship to your sexuality?

Sexuality, and my relation to my sexual feelings/thoughts/attractions, continues to evolve. There are many days where I feel really empowered in my decisions and desires, and others where I feel confused about my preference.

 

Days where I feel no shame and am proud to converse, explore, learn, and grow. And others where it can feel like a constant push to feel comfortable in my new role as a sex education.

 

There are so many aspects to our sexual selves to get to know - which is why a staple of my brand, Beyond The Beez, is that we are all forever learning.

 

You never arrive at a place where you have it all figured out. Rather, while we continue to get more and more aligned with who we are as people, there will always be more layers to uncover.

On Pleasure
In terms of pleasure, what do you think women don’t talk about enough?

In terms of pleasure, my first thought wanders right to the sex script. The sex script is the set of learned guidelines we follow to fuel our sex lives, rather than going internal to discover what we need or want (this goes back to my comment of wanting to be desired, rather than exploring what you desire).

 

For example, the heteronormative sex we have learned to have is the same script: penis in vagina until the man finishes. We then wonder why women are not having orgasms as often, or why desire my dwindle or even seem to ‘dry up’ all together as the years go on.

 

Taking the time to learn about yourself, whether that be your love language, your erotic blueprint, or inner desires, and then implementing and exploring them is crucial.

 

It will ultimately show us that our sexual encounters can be a lot better than what so many settle for.

 

Try to toss the script to the curb and listen to what your body wants. Explain these discoveries to a partner and see where your interests line up.

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